I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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