no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
