I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
