yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
