sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
