11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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