oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
