mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
why is half of my head shaved?
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