I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
