mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
