Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
