You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
