So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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