also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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