and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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