I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
