Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
