Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
