How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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