My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
