Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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