He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He passed out mid-signature
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
