I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
