Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
