dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
