You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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