I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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