I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
