just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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