Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
