Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
