I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
