there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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