This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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