After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
love makes seman taste better
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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