i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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