PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
