you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
