tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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