both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
