Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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