This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
