shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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