after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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