We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
