i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
