champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
