Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
