No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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