You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
