Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
