During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
