So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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