I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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