im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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