two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
