first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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