You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
