My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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