you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
