My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
