I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
