I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
